I often have an internal struggle about using the dating apps and websites. Obviously I enjoy casual sex but I am also generally hoping for more than that, I want to meet someone to get into a long term thing with (someone kinky!). I like to know about someone’s sexual preferences before I meet up with them but I also know that if you bring up sex with a man or continue a conversation about sex that they have started its hard for them to get off topic and they usually take you out of the ‘potential dating box’ and into the ‘hook-up’ box and it only ever goes one way.
Those of you that have used any of the multiple dating apps out there they will know that they can be tricky to navigate. I put my best pictures on, a mixture of posed face shots, one full body shot and a couple of candid ones. I am on bigger side of average for body type and have been told I have an attractive face and a cracking ass, I’m aware that I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I’m ok with that. In my profile I say my height, my job and a fun one liner. This gets me the occasional message. If I put that I’m a single mum I get no messages and most of the people I match with then un-match me, I assume that they didn’t read my profile and then changed their mind once they did.
No matter what I write if I put one slightly suggestive picture on (I had one of me in the mirror from behind with only a vest top on and some knickers, so wearing more than some of the bikini shots), it’s enough to get people interested. It was always my top picked picture and I got lots of messages. But the quality of these messages went down significantly with that picture there.
The ass man I met on Tinder. At first I was really trying to keep the conversation casual, light hearted and definitely nothing about sex. Then I read his profile again and remember the reason I swiped on him in the first place was because he alluded to kink and a preference of spanking. It was written as a joke but as anyone knows out there if someone jokes about something on a tinder profile then it’s usually testing the water to see if you’re interested. So the conversation went there and we exchanged numbers.
This was at a tricky time, D had only just moved out and although I was ready to move on, (I’d been ready for a while to be honest) almost at the same time my ex-husband decided he wasn’t going to have my daughter overnight in the week any more. This left me with very little free time. We arranged to meet up a few times and I had to cancel because of child care issues, that teamed with a bought of depression from all the changes in my life.
I decided to tell him about the HIV. If I was in another frame of mind at the time I probably wouldn’t have, because I did like him, he was really cool about it. I told him some information about undetectability. This happened to coincide with a TV documentary about HIV being on at prime time and I suggested he watch it (coincidentally I spent my evening watching the documentary, crying about my life and why it all happened to me, but everyone has bad days!)
When we finally did meet we’d planned to have a drink in the pub and then if we got on well we’d go back to his for a joint. Unfortunately for me half way through said drink a group of my old married friends came in which included the ex of my best friend. Luckily (for me) ass man was in the loo at the time. So I stood up and met him from the loo and told him were leaving, a little earlier than planned. I think he still had half a pint left! I explained why after we left for another pub. It was a little cowardly but I just didn’t want to explain to the people who are still in contact with my ex-husband that I had split with my boyfriend! It seems so childish when I write it down.
The ass man is just that, all about the bum. Tall, skinny and toned and with an impressively large cock. But the best thing about him was that he was kinky and dominant. He was a big fan of dirty talk and liked to whisper nasty things into my ear. He liked to dominate and control. He was the first guy I’d been with it who was really into it. After a smoke and a drink it wasn’t long before he had me holding my throat and calling me all sort of filthy things while licking and biting my neck. I loved it.
It was very freeing knowing that he knew about my HIV and he still wanted to have fun with me. Now I’m sure if I let other people know it’d be ok with most of them. I’m just a bit too delicate to deal with rejection at the moment. The time will come and I’ll be comfortable telling sexual partners as well as everyone else!
I loved how much he enjoyed to take control. I think I’m a classic case, like many submissive people in the bedroom. My life is so busy and planned from the moment I wake up until the moment my daughter goes to bed and by then I’m too exhausted to do anything else. My time is never my own. I am always the one that has to make the decisions about what to do and where to go. I’m in control of hundreds of different children throughout the day. So in the bedroom I love to just be submissive and do as I’m told, give and receive pleasure because that’s what he enjoys doing.
The ass man did enjoy it. If he was coming over he’d like to tell me how I should be when he got there, playing with toys or blindfolded etc. One time he wanted to try fucking me using yoghurt or cream. I’d seen it in porn and always love to try new things so thought why not! He seemed to really enjoy it. And I like to do things other people enjoy. He had great stamina and I always had fun. Because even though he liked to be in control and dominant he could see the fun in what we were doing. So when the cat started to lick the yoghurt out the pot when we were “busy” and wouldn’t be shooed away we could laugh, because it was funny and then we could carry on.
I like that in a sexual partner, I like someone who can see the fun. The men I choose to see more than once and have a better time with are always the ones who can be serious and can get lost in the moment but can also see the funny side of what we like to do. Because some of it is hilarious.